Once upon a time, in an ISP far far away worked a load of evil contractors. The contractors, Craig, Sheepie, Wombat and Thos where cruel and horrible people who kept the two permies, Kenny and Squid under their thumbs. The poor permies had to do all the work for them and got paid pennies while the evil contractors took all the glory and the money.The contractors used to force the permies to go out in to the scary land of Dog Bar and force them to drink on a school night with them.

To while away the long hours waiting for the next Thursday night all six of them would play games, they would sit in the office and play and play and play with each other. One bright morning the newz fairy offered them a new distraction at work, with glee they downloaded the game, after two hours of playing they decided that Soldier of Fortune was good but there where problems. Snipes_D couldn’t find anywhere to hide, Kenny kept getting killed every thirty seconds, Squid was accused of cheating and then where no big guns for Thos to play with.

So the newz fairy was summoned again and she presented them with Operation Flashpoint. They all loved the game a lot as they could while away the work hours trying to see who could fire a T72 shell across the full map and kill someone. Everyone one was happy, Thos had his big guns, Criag could drive around like a mad man, Snipes_D had lot of rifles and places to hide. Sadly Kenny stilled died every thirty seconds and Squid was still accused of cheating!

At the ISP, far far away, Kenny had the magic chalice of all permies in an ISP. His magic chalice was his free cable modem, so the permies and the evil contractors set out on a quest to install an OFP server and to go out on the town. After much heroics in scallyville the six of them returned fueled with the magic elixior of beer and set about creating the first server.

Sadly the server was beset by many problems, such is the case with any fairy tale and any server looked after by Kenny! During the servers time the six crusaders where joined by Wombat and Tricky. They joined in the quest for the holy grail, the quest being to actually find someone attractive in Dog Bar. Sadly they failed, but there are people who speak of a tall blonde stunner who was sighted across the dancefloor. This is still being checked but people are blaming the magical elixur for the goggles of beer.

The server it was decided had to move, the now eight travellers had realised that it could no longer be protected from the fire breathing BBQ of doom. Which was Kenny and his outdoor cooking skills! So a secret cave was found deep in the depths of Tricky’s office and a fiendish plan was hatched, the server would be reborn. During this time Sheepie, the buyer of domain names for parties, had decided that he no longer needed to humilate the poor permie Squid with pictures of his stag do. This meant he had a name to spare, so / was reborn with the server.

The new server needed christening, after much discussion between Wombat and Tricky it was baptised Major’s. In a very oblique reference to where it was. The server became more popular and so it was decided that we needed a name, since the trusty eight travellers took nothing seriously, apart from drinking the name LOL was chosen.

Soon there followed a great flash, not in the sky but in the mind of one of the eight. The clowns faces were born. This did mean that we could no longer play CTF games. So never again could we play who can park their tank over two hills away and shoot the night sky, trying to land on each other (much like that turn by turn tank game). And so we became a COOP server, and the lines that still grace our server where carried down from the mountain top on a granite slab. The words that still adorn our config files.

No Respawns, No Crosshairs, No Muppets.

With the server came new found speed and unlimited power. With each passing day more idiots joined the server, some were converted to the clown side, some believed that Alt + F4 would respawn you. Some even believed we actually cared that you died within two seconds and wanted a re. With the new found life and energy such classic maps were created, Liberation Of Loukov, Liberation Of Loukov 2. We converted classic maps to support our no-muppet features, we continued to spread the word that Alt + F4 would respawn you. We converted more people to our way, strangers to our server would bow down in wonderment at fifteen clown lined up. Or cry tears of joy as speedboats raced down a mountain filled with clowns and screaming people. We marveled at our own accomplishments, knowing that we were gods amongst clowns. Gods that knew how to hit a shilka with an RPG across two rivers and a mountain. We would gaze in wonder at our fellow comrades, screaming there are three behind that bush, from our seagull sights of the newly dead.

To Be Continued! (and spell checked!)……..